BANGS ARE FUCKING STUPID

Ok, I want to put it out there, straight up: bangs are a fucking stupid hair style, and they make the wearer look fucking stupid. There is literally no one I have seen who actually, seriously can pull off wearing bangs. Unless you are an Ancient Egyptian in a hieroglyph, refrain from cutting across the front piece of your hair and letting it hang over your forehead.

There’s a reason why people lose their minds when famous women, known for being intelligent and powerful suddenly show up wearing bangs (see, Michelle Obama, Alicia Florrick)- it’s because the power and intelligence vanishes, and those women look like gibbering idiots.

I’m not talking about a few wisps of hair curling prettily around your temples- that is fine. I’m talking about that mat, that rug, that thick carpet piece of hair hanging above, or sometimes in the eyes. What is that? Why is that? What is the point of it? Get botox if you need to hide your forehead wrinkles, or pull your hair up in high pony tail. Bangs don’t make you look young, or cute, or frame your face in a pleasing and natural manner. They look unnecessary, irritating and as if they need to be brushed aside. The side-swept bangs, indeed, are the slightly lesser evil, bearing testimony to the fact that the wearer has sheepishly realised the ridiculousness of the straight bang.

Short bangs literally make you look crazy. Long bangs make you look crazy and sly.

In the early 19c, young Laura Ingalls begged her Pa and Ma to let her cut the front of her hair and have bangs, the raging new fashion from the East. Reluctantly, they agreed. Laura cut a very narrow strip, curled it with a heated pencil (the fuck??) and turned around for their approval. Being genteel and courteous people, they didn’t make barfing sounds as I would undoubtedly have, but their eyes looked anxious, Pa said he liked it better before, and Ma said she understood why it was called “lunatic fringe”. Indeed, Ma. Don’t we all.

2 comments

  1. golnooshwrites

    Hahaha… I don’t like bangs either… but I know so many people who find bangs BEAUTIFUL AND ATTRACTIVE.

  2. socialweaponry

    Lmao look up alexis krauss

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