THINGS YOU WILL NEVER HEAR FROM YOUR KID’S MUSIC TUTOR / SPORTS COACH

– He’s really talentless, isn’t he?

– Sweetie, I know you feel have to drive him around to all these expensive lessons, because motherhood. Don’t do it. Break the patriarchy. Stay at home. The evening traffic will thank you.

– He tells me that holding the guitar makes his penis feel uncomfortable. What do you expect me to do with him?

– Violin? Violin? You are considering violin lessons? HAHAHAHAHAHA

– I am so sorry .

– There is nothing wrong with watching TV. Find a show you both like, and you can bond, too.

– Have you considered saving the money you are spending on these lessons, and getting a Netflix membership instead? They have some very funny kids’ shows.

– Video games?

– Have you considered saving the money you are spending on these lessons, and getting an Xbox instead? I hear you can play some good games, where you move around. Exercise.

– Never darken my doorstep with the shadow of your child again. Ever.

children-piano

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