Have you heard? They say this year’s Carnival is being held in Tehran instead of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, with thousands of nearly-naked men and women scheduled to dance around Azadi square. New Orleans’s Burlesque Festival too, has been moved to -was it Mashad? or Isfahan? any way, one of those cities, where the local population and their guests will be treated to striptease and spicy acts. What better way to prove to that motherfucking dog Netanyahu that Iranians are free, dammit, and there’s no enforced dress code, it’s all a devilish conspiracy by the BBC, and Netanyahu should eat shit (GOH KHORDEH) before daring to talk about Iranians and what they are allowed to wear or not.
Yup, you heard right. There’s absolutely no dress regulation in Iran, Iranians are free to wear jeans and whatever else they fucking want, wherever, whenever. Girls aren’t supposed to cover their entire heads and bodies in dark loose clothing from the age of seven at school, there is no mandatory “festival of prayers” held at the age of nine, when they celebrate the age at which praying and covering your hair is compulsory, there are no armed para-police roaming the streets to stop and tell women what is wrong with what they are wearing, and to haul them off to the local stations to be detained and flogged if they happen to feel like it. There are no tents at the gate of universities and government buildings where women have to enter and be checked by female police to ensure their dress is in accordance with some imaginary Islamic modesty guidelines. I have never been told to cover my hair, my hands, my neck, that my body-coat is too short, my lipstick too red, everything about me is wrong. I’ve never had to discuss endlessly whether I should cover my hair or my arms at some stupid family party, because uncle hassanali is religious and he will get upset if a bare-headed female is sitting there. It was all a bad dream, a vicious rumour fanned by the British. See? If you don’t believe me, all of Iran will tweet pictures of all Iranians having orgies. Would that prove how free and modern Iranians are? What do we have to do? Will that prove how un-obsessed we are with women and what they put on their heads and faces and bodies, how totally cool we are? Do we have to turn the beaches of the Caspian sea and Persian Gulf to nudist resorts to demonstrate our coolness, our modernity, our superior culture and love of freedom? Will that satisfy you?
Taunt us at your peril, Netanyahu. Next time, you won’t get pictures of our jeans in your twitter.