HOW TO MODERNIZE: Agatha Christie’s Marple

Britain’s privately owned TV network released a fresh new Miss Marple season in the naughties, which is absolutely full of lesbians.

OK, I exaggerate, a tiniest bit. But I have to say, the gratuitous inclusion of lesbian couples, at least the first time, was rather shocking, and thus, considering it’s a detective show which is meant to surprise and shock, I suppose it could be considered a success. After the next fifty million times, it became rather humdrum. Though still far better that BBC’s goddy Poirot. I guess there’s something to be said for privately-owned rather state-owned, after all, at least where the arts are concerned.

But to go back to the first- one of Dame Christie’s absolute classics- “The Body in the Library“.  There’s a body of a young girl in a library, she’s the cousin of a beautiful-but-not-so-young dancer, a rich old man intended to change his will in favour of the murdered girl, he had two other inheritors, a man and a woman both with strong motives to kill the young girl, and so on and so forth.

In the original book, it turns out that the beautiful-but-not-so-young dancer  had secretly married the man-inheritor, (Mark) and together they carried out the elaborate plot to kill the young girl (the body in the library) to prevent her from inheriting.

In the modernized version, Miss Marple detects the beautiful-but-not-so-young dancer ‘s lover is

-“..Oh no, Inspector Numbskull. Not Mark. Adelaide.

And then, with the sweet touch of misogyny which will never fall out of fashion, she adds:

-“I always thought it had a woman’s touch in it.”

Gentle reader, as these changes to plots go, it was well done. The look of utter amazement of Inspector Numbskull and his trusty Sergeant  when they hear the murderesses were a lesbian couple is completely hilarious, and I had to go back and rewatch the scene.

Other changes from the original were bloody awful, as Agatha Christie would say. Why do these anonymous TV screenwriters think they can produce better plots than Agatha, and insisting on changing them so damn much? You can’t, anonymous screenwriters. Nobody could write up a better plot than her. Just stick at what your good at: beautiful period costumes and gratuitous lesbianism.


More lesbian scenes in  “A Murder Is Announced”.


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