Every so often, another stupid “scientific” study is published showing that men in fact ARE attracted to women with make-up on. Whoops- No, here’s another the one- they’re not! Women without make-up look more low maintenance, more approachable, and so men like them more!  Oh no- look, this one says that blush makes women look young and fertile and sexy- the EXACT things men are hard-wired to notice and lust after. So wear a ton of blush! But try to appear low maintenance and approachable at the same time, so you won’t scare off potential men! Oh, poor us, poor unfortunate women reading up these confusing scientific surveys trying to desperately find out how to get noticed, how to be loved.

What are we supposed to do? Make- up or not? Of course, I am not ignoring another school of thought which argues you should do whatever the hell you want to and make you feel good, – but what if feeling good for you and doing what you want is, in fact, nothing other than attracting men? It is foolish to ignore the fact that since time immemorial, people have been concerned (very much so) with attracting and then screwing each other- and that make-up, no matter how many times you scream IT’S JUST FOR MY OWN PLEASURE! I JUST ENJOY PUTTING ON A SHITLOAD OF CHEMICALS AROUND MY EYES AND MOUTH EVERY MORNING JUST BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD. AND I WOULD DO IT IF I WAS ON A LONELY ISLAND, SO TAKE THAT! the fact remains that make up is all about  making yourself prettier so you can attract other people- not even necessarily for sex, but just because attractiveness makes you feel good in your interactions with other people, makes you feel empowered, people respond to you in positive ways, and when someone compliments you that “you look like Marilyn Monroe with dark hair” you feel a buzz of pleasure that lasts for days and days. In fact, maybe years- since as I typed out these last words, I realized that even if I go on to get the Nobel peace prize or something, the main thing I will remember on my deathbed is that one evening, I reminded someone of The Great Marilyn. Such is vanity.

So, whats the deal with make-up? Do men like it or not? Should we use it to become more attractive, or are we just making ourselves look scary?

My own scientific study points to the conclusion that properly-applied make-up is good. Men who claim they don’t like make up on women are, for the most part, lying (have you ever considered that possibility, dear “scientists”?). They feel they should say that they like un-made-up,  plain women, it makes them sound more intellectual, less superficial, more superior or something, but in fact, as advertising companies and Cleopatra back in the day discovered, made-up women move the world.



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