BEST MUSIC VIDEOS EVER recently declared a list of the fifty sexiest music videos of all time, and obviously got it all wrong. Bruce Springsteen sweatily dancing with pre-Friends Courtney Cox? Nicki Minaj, assuring us of her ferocious intelligence and active vagina? Katy Perry? Katy Perry? I will not stoop to shoot fish in a barrel, suffice it to say, Gentle Reader, I was not convinced. To right those wrongs, I present to you a list of several of the best music videos of all time, music videos that go beyond plain sexy, although they are that too, undoubtedly, brilliant music videos which wrench our hearts and fill our souls with yearning. Music videos which sublimate the cheap-hair-plastic-skin-and-boobs sexuality of  that stupid list.
In no particular order, I give you:
  • To the End. Blur.
The perfect blend of the vocals with the cinematography, the jolt the viewer receives upon realising the words written beneath each scene are not the lyrics which are being sung, the sheer overwhelming beauty of everything – the clothes, the faces, the house, the expressions, the gardens, the music. My list is not numbered, as, unlike, I realize that there are different music videos which suit different moods, different kinds of sexuality, that sexuality is not classifiable or quantifiable and thus there really can be no “number 1”, but if there were, this would probably be it.
  • The Memory Remains. Metallica.
This is the first Metallica song I heard, and I can still remember the feeling of shock and awe which took overtook me as I watched the video, stunned by the raw power and energy- but who are these people? Gentle Reader, remember that that was the era of glossy Bon Jovi and Ricky Martin videos: pretty boys and girls sobbing and crying through their fancy clothes and hair. This video brings us the broken voice and aging face of a former girlfriend of Mick Jagger, in a dizzy fearful backdrop. Meanwhile, the sunglassed presence of James and Kirk validates its sexiness.
  • Get Right. Jennifer Lopez.
While the actual song is nothing to swoon over, J.Lo’s clever costumes and faces entrances the viewer, and draws us into that seamy dark pounding disco of desires, loves, losses, friendships, heat and thirst.
  • Sweet Child o’ Mine. Guns n’ Roses.
Axl is all hunched up in his leather jacket and he is so unbearably pretty and yet so harsh-looking that it is hard to watch him. Especially when put in context, put against what happens later. After I read, together with some ten million other readers on that the lyrics “Where do we go now?” was an actual question, as in, we’ve run out of lyrics for this song and we don’t have a clue what to say next, my admiration for Axl simply grew, since any other frontman would have thrown in a few  “yeah yeah yeah”s or “la la tra-la-la”, but only he would have asked, simply and confusedly what to do next, and make it sound cool.
  • Join Me In Death. H.I.M.
Ville Valo has an alternative and unique beauty which has never been recreated or recaptured. Plus, he has an incredible make-up artist for this video. Plus there is a weird-looking ice-queen with a weird-looking hairdo which simply highlights Ville Valo’s unnatural grace. Plus the song is heart-breaking.
  • Lonely Boy. The Black Keys.
While smashing all preconceptions of what sexy is and what music videos should look like, the overweight middle-aged black male office-worker-turned-dancer remains undeniably sexy. “This guy must be drowning in cat-essence” comments an astute youtube observer, using rather more colourful language than I generally allow myself on this blog.
  • The Way I Are. Timbaland feat. Keri Hilson.
A unforgettable, fun music video and song which captures your heart from the wrong title to the last kick of the soccer ball. Yes, guys in ties kicking soccer balls are sexy, why do you need to ask? Keri’s brittle arms miming the movement of the clock hands to Timbaland’s mesmerising beats- beautiful.
  • Confide in Me. Kylie Minogue.
The only Kylie Minogue song and music video I like, a creepy, eerie sicko video and song which burns into your brains. Kylie is actually really sexy in this video, as opposed to fake artificial sexy in all her other videos before and since. The different faces and costumes again, simply entrancing.
  • Because the Night. Jan Wayne.
 Yes, the Jan Wayne version. I don’t care Bruce Springsteen Patti Smith yadda yadda yadda- I love the music video of the Jan Wayne version, those pretty  kids horror-struck  at the torrent of emotion they have released, the innocence before, the agony after. Cliche? Yes, but a lovely one.
Gentle reader, remember these are not my favourite songs ever, indeed, most of them I wouldn’t even listen to without watching the video. These have all achieved a perfect blend of video and audio, so the simple experience of watching and listening is a joy.

One comment

  1. nice list. cant comment on it, just to put in my two pennies worth: Roxette – joyride, Eminem – Stan, Any Gorillaz video esp Clint Eastwood. Lots more actually, will compile my list later 😉

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