SHE ASKS FOR ADVICE…

…and then she starts arguing with you about the offered advice.

Do you know the type? I have been blessed with several colleagues/friends over the years who fall in this category, and so I can report to my Gentle Readers that they exist in abundance  in the UK (including both England and Scotland), Iran and Canada. And I have little doubt that if, as I plan, I move to New Zealand in the future, I will run into several there as well, probably in the office right next to mine.

I seem to have a talent for attracting them- whether it is my snooty British accent, my long nose, or the fact that I tend to wear makeup and nice shoes with heels regularly. Whatever. They come into my office, coffee cup in hand, and want to me ask me something. A long time ago, I used to be flattered. Now I know better. They don’t need advice, they need validation. 20 minutes later,  and I feel they are quarreling with me for whatever it was that they were asking for advice. Not a good feeling. And another thing I have noticed is that while they are apparently asking for advice, they are actually either demanding pity (look at this terrible situation I am in! You are so lucky you never have to put up with anything like this!) or advertising their Own Wonder Self (see how wonderful I am for dealing with this terrible situation!) Or both.

The thing is, I rarely ask for advice myself, unless it is professional, and then it is mostly to cover my back. Not because I know it all, but because it is so useless. People can be so evasive and secretive, they are so selective in what they tell to the outside world, that you can very rarely have an accurate picture of their situation. There are so many dimensions, so many different ways of looking at things. So many points of view. If you do not know the exact nature of my problem, (and how could you, because I have censored out all the parts which make me look bad), how can you advise me on it?

Yes. You are wonderful. Yes, you are dealing with a dreadful dreadful situation. Oh yes. Oh no. Oh really? Oh wow. Now please go away.

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2 comments

  1. t

    rest assured, America also has it’s fair share… we may even corner the market, come to think of it =]

  2. thenewcomer

    No doubt!

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