The past month I have been exposed to pop culture to a degree unknown in my decadent western town, and this exposure has left some burning questions in my mind which I now share with you, my dear readers:
-Where the hell is Timbaland?
There was a time when it was barely possible to turn on the TV without seeing his large face, presiding god-like over the latest band of untalented, squeaky juveniles. No matter, his presence ensured that they made music you could listen to. Whether it was ugly spiky nasal Nelly Furtado, with a half a million dollars worth of foundation slathered on her face, pert nervous Keri Hilson, sorrowful hang-dog One Republic- who had heard of these people before Timbaland stretched out a large hand and plucked them out of the gutter, where they collapsed back after he let go? Timbaland, come back. The ugly-wuglies need you. And so do we, the long-suffering public.
–Which do you like best- Kamran or Hooman?
Farsi-speaking people across the world unite in their difference: some love delicate, girly, long-haired Kamran, others prefer manly, curly Hooman. And a tiny percentage secretly dig fat old Shahbaleh. The fact remains that they both, I am sure of it, have botoxed themselves close to death. The debate rages on.
There are more questions- the inexplicable love of Iranian women for yellow hair dye, fashions ome and go but this remains constant. But this will do for now.