PEANUTS IN THE ART GALLERY

Aren’t they supposed to show pictures of ships and beaches in the Nova Scotia Art Gallery?

Apparently not. At the cutting edge of culture and high art, disdainful of petty bourgeois sensibilities and curious primary school kids on school trips, you can find pictures of men and women, without their clothes and proudly showing their private parts at the Art Gallery. Who ever said Canadians were prudes?

Anyway, imagine the kids’ delight at seeing these pictures- the world of art suddenly took on a whole new meaning for them as they realised painting isn’t just about flowers and rocks, but- wait for it- real naked human bodies! ewww! gross!

-Princess, the human body is part of nature too, like a tree or a flower. And many artists paint or draw the body- there’s nothing eww or gross about it.

-But their peanus! We could see the man’s peanus! He drew their peanuses!

I honestly thought she was saying peanuts at first- it took me a moment to realise what she was talking about. She continued. “And the women’s as well! Only her peanus was covered in hair! ”

-What- wait- princess, women don’t have peanuses- you know that!

She looked confused. “They don’t?”

-Do you even know what the peanus is? It’s just like the golden boy’s shongoolz…

That set her off again..”Gross!” she shrieked, “why weren’t they wearing clothes! Those are their private body parts! You’re supposed to cover them!”

Oh dear. The princess seems set to become traumatized for life. Something must be done. Anyway, she has a point, how are we supposed to teach them that the human body is perfectly natural and non-gross, while at the same time insisting the private parts must be covered up, always. Oh Art Gallery of Nova Scotia, why didn’t you stick to Mavis Lewis’s cutesy pictures of crooked colourful moose or reindeer or whatever they are prancing in the snow?

-Princess, those parts are just parts of your body- like your hand or leg.

She clearly didn’t believe me. I continued.

-But because they don’t have any bones in them, and they’re all floppy and with very sensitive skin, and could get hurt easily, people get used to covering them up. It’s not because they’re gross.

-But “John” said..

-Stupid boys- don’t listen to what they tell you…

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2 comments

  1. Sensitive skin and no bones is an interesting idea but i dont think that’s the whole story.

  2. thenewcomer

    She can learn the whole story the way most Iranian girls do, through dai-jan napoleon

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