HELL IS…

Getting a four-year old and a seven-year old ready to go out in Canadian winter.

No, I’m not joking. Of all the things I hate doing, which are many, this is number one.

Friends and family can certify that in general, I’m a pretty cool, kids-rule mom. Golden boy having a tantrum in front of a guest? No big deal. Princess wants chocolate between meals? Fine, so long as she can get them herself and doesn’t expect me to get up from my sofa. Princess and golden boy engaged in a wrestling match which seem to violate all the known rules and regulations of wrestling matches ever made, in the whole world? Call me if you see blood, not otherwise.

But catch me in those crucial ten minutes before going out, and I am a shrieking, bloodthirsty harridan, the terror of the infants, a raging, howling, miserable beast, blinded with sweat and nerves.

Assembling all the clothes needed to go out in the winter is a herculean task, and no amount of clothes-organization seems to work. Socks are missing (it took several white hairs until I realised that really, if the kids go out in mismatched socks occasionally, no one is going to call the RCMP and the world won’t come to an end), gloves are missing, boots cannot be found, hats, snow pants, jackets, scarves… but what is seriously nerve-wracking is the endless, tireless debate which accompanies  the wearing of each item.

-Do I have to wear snow pants today? I hate snow pants! They make me look fat, and make this really stupid sound when I walk. My pants roll up beneath them, and I hate it. You’re not the boss of me anyway! Why don’t you wear snow pants if you like them so much?…

This, every single morning and every single time we go out, from the princess. Meanwhile the golden boy, an essentially moody creature like myself,  questions the whole of philosophy of going out, and decides he doesn’t want to go, anyway.

“I’m not coming! I can stay in by myself! I’m gonna watch batman by myself! I don’t wanna go to daycare/shopping/swimming/the library/whatever else we have to do to turn the wheels of our life/… ”

“I don’t want this hat! The bobbles go up and down! I want the other hat!”

“I’m not wearing a scarf- I’m gonna choke and die. Is that what you want? You’re such a mean mother…”

“This sweater is itchy! I’m uncomfortable (tears of rage and misery)- take it off!”

But there is no mom listening anymore, this is the Weremom who has taken her place. Hot and sweaty, late for school, work, lessons, life, she pushes and shoves and pulls until everything is where it should be, and bundles the two anti-winter activists out of the door.

Only five months to go till warm weather.

Advertisements

5 comments

  1. Are we related?? Too funny – it’s not the only time it happens in our house but definitley one of them!
    “Fine, so long as she can get them herself and doesn’t expect me to get up from my sofa.” Priceless.

  2. FoXy

    OMG this paragraph is hilarious:

    Do I have to wear snow pants today? I hate snow pants! They make me look fat, and make this really stupid sound when I walk. My pants roll up beneath them, and I hate it. You’re not the boss of me anyway! Why don’t you wear snow pants if you like them so much?…

    I can actually hear her saying these things in the funniest, cutest tone possible.

  3. Beth

    The first year or two my brother was in school, he REFUSED to put on his jacket and snowpants for recess. The teachers could say nothing to convince him, but also couldn’t send him outside in the Edmonton winter in his t-shirt. So, on pain of her child getting kicked out of the preschool all together, my mother had to drive there every day at recess time to literally pin my brother down, her knee on his chest holding him still, and wrestle him into his snowsuit. I think she would appreciate your frustration with getting kids ready for Canadian winters!

  4. thenewcomer

    Oh my god, this anecdote was certainly encouraging for me. I thought canadian children were born with an instinct for wearing snow gear, which was lacking in my southern-blooded kids… 😉

  5. Pingback: CANADIAN WINTER STARTS « Thenewcomer's Weblog

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: