Last week was a party for forn stars and frostitutes on cyberspace. First, I read about Dr. Brooke Magnanti, a PhD student in computer science living in London, worked for years as a frostitute to supplement her student income, and blogged about her seks-life, in a very successful and highly-read blog. Then, I hear than a famous American forn star has changed her name, stopped being a forn-star, and now has a book deal and generally received a lot of publicity about her memoirs, experiences etc etc. She too is blogging (under her new name)- her mum and dad read her blog and are so proud of her…

Their revelations has caused a fair amount of controversy, which does not really interest me- though the statement made in relation to the PhD student-frostitute made me laugh and firmed my resolve never to apply for PhD: ‘I did not know any girl who was not a PhD student at the brofel’. What is fascinating for me is the overwhelmingly positive feedback these ladies are receiving from  their society, as evidenced by their book deals, the comments on their blogs, their TV appearances, their media interviews.  They are not ashamed of their lives, they are proud of what they did, their mums and dads love them, they’re wonderful, independent, brilliant, strong, blah blah blah.

How different, how absolutely different from Iran.

Other Iranian bloggers have noted how, if a woman gets recorded having seks in a Western country, she shoots to popularity and fame (who had ever heard of Paris Hilton before her boyfriend did her a favour and put the recording he had made of their union on the internet?), but if the same happens in Iran, the woman has to flee, she is prosecuted, she is persecuted, she is rejected from society, she becomes a worthless piece of filth.  

The point I am trying to make here is that it is not just the Iranian regime who hate women who have seks outside marriage. Iranian society as a whole has a problem with -let’s call them unconventional women. And basically,  any woman who has a boyfriend is an unconventional woman. And she must hide her life from her family.

It doesn’t matter how well-educated or liberal a family is, how many years they have spent in European and American universities studying nuclear physics and neurosurgery, how much alcohol they consume at their elegant in-house secretive parties. Their daughters simply don’t have seks. That guy she’s talking with, holding hands with, laughing with- that guy over there? Oh- he is just a family friend, they plan on getting married, he is her university classmate. Our daughters don’t know what seks is if it came and hit them in the forehead.  

You want their technology. You want their freedoms. You want their movies and their books. You want their science.

Can you cope with your  girls talking about being frostitutes and form-stars? Will you be proud of them? Will you listen to their interviews, read their books and blogs, treat them with respect? It’s all part and parcel of the same package deal, you know.



  1. hi

    1- is this analogy correct? I mean, even the “university”, “science”, “technology”, … there and in Iran are differently perceived; let alone forn & frostitude. Let’s go one step backward, is the meaning of “work” (for the purpose of running a life) is the same there and in Iran, then consequently the forn and frostitude as a type of work?

    2- yes, you are right. forn and frostitude is not accepted in Iran ; but Iranian women know some other things comparable to those (in my opinion, when it comes to finding a way to earn money and secure future financial life!); including “eshveh oomadan” and “honare shohar toor kardan”. statistically, maybe more iranin women are gaining a living in this way than western women in that way! as long as I know, families are very proud if their daughters have this art. I am not judging wether it is correct or not, but when it comes to earning a living by selling sex features, these two are comparable (my opinion)

    3- well, seks out of mariage (i.e a married one having seks out of marriage) is different from seks out of marriage (i.e. seks without marriage) and different from frostitude. even westerners have different reactions to the above categories.

    4- forn and frostitude maybe taboo because generally in all history and cultures it is women doing this job for men. have you heard a man do this to earn money? (let me confess, I heard it! I read this in a weblog long time ago that a young ‘hot’ man in rich Tehran suburbs earn living in this way and has well-off female clients!)

    5- not completely agree with this post


  2. Look, I think I didn’t express myself very clearly. My point is that we, as Iranians, adore and want some features of western society (like universities, science etc), but we totally reject other features, such as(seksual) freedom for women. I think they are all part and parcel of the same fabric: you can’t have one without the other. You can’t have advancement of science coupled with suppression of women. And we are total hypocrites as whole, when it comes to freedom (in every sphere- seks is just the most visible issue) of women. We expect them to confirm to certain norms, pretend they are all virgins before marriage etc, when talking about wanting freedom all the time.

    And the other point I am trying to make is that based on the experiences of these two, it seems that being a forn star and or frostitute is simply not taboo anymore. As a whole (and of course I know these are all generalizations, there are loads of very conservative families etc), a girl can say, look, I decided I want to be a forn star, a frostitute, and not only does she NOT get a lot of negative reaction, she is actually applauded and everybody says, well good for you!!! I am not making any moral judgements about forn or frostitution- i am just saying it seems the taboo which these jobs had for centuries seems to be lifting.

    I mean, I’m not a forn-star or frostitute, but I don’t dare have my own mom read my blog, simply because I express opinions which are different from hers. So yes, I envy a society where a girl can actually say, look mum and dad, I am/was a forn star, you can read about here, and her mum and dad say, oh my darling girl, we are so proud of you!!!!!!! Do you see what I mean? I am not free to express my own opinions to the people closest to me, whereas these girls get love and support for doing what is absolutely taboo for all centuries, as you say!!!

    For the record, I also agree with you Iranian women and their families who view marraige as some sort of business contract, and yes, I don’t see why that is so different from frostitution anyway.

    Thanks for the comments. And again for the record, I would have a heart attack if my daughter decided to do those jobs, of course I am part of the same fabric of Iranian society which I am criticizing!!

  3. our admiration toward ‘Western Package’ (the way that we – Iranians – define) is unique as you said, part of those we want parts we don’t want. But it is not confined to seks life. it includes many other aspects as well. Let say, start working at teenage, traveling on your own (again) as a teenage, women working as hard as men, at work business is more important that flirting! with colleagues, working so hard at work and not spending time at office for internet chatting and surfing (yes, these happens in west as well but you can not hide the low productive time in Iranian offices for average ‘karmand’!) economic/budget life style of average man in west comparing the luxurious one that all middle class families in iran always follow – read ‘cheshm o hamcheshmi’! women want to be independent and feminist and have same rights while looking for ‘mehrieh anchenani’ and a land and apartment for ‘poshte ghabale’ poeple reading books in buses and taxis (west) and poeple talking behind each other and spending time in beauty saloon for ‘arayesh khaliji’ and such and such and high level of cosmatic surgeries and …

    one more thing, what about those girls having seks with their boy-friends and talking about freedom, but as soon as they find a rich boy from religious/traditional family they completely change and go for those surgeries to regain their ‘virginity’ to be accepted by the guy! you see how strong is that norm/taboo that a feminist kind of girl is ready to convert to a full saint! it is not about norm and women freedom, it is all about money.

    soory I did not write it in an organised/logical way because im now in hurry. I understand what you mean in this post, but, i beleive this feature is more general than just skes related diffrences.

    cheers friend, I follow your post, I like your writing.

  4. FoXy

    Hun there’s a Huge differene between having a boyfriend -having sex before marriage- and being a porn star! They’re not even in the same category. And not all western girls are prostitutes n porn stars. I don’t exactly see why a society or culture should advocate prostitution n pornography (probably there’s some capitalistic reason ehind that or sth); I think it’s simply offensive to women n human kinds in general. Although in my view it’s totally cool if a girl/ boy sleeps around just for fun. But sleeping with ppl you’re not attracted to, just to get paid?!! That’s so degrading.
    And using n selling your body to be able to pay for your PhD?! To hell with that PhD, I say. Not worth it. Not worth it AT ALL.

  5. thenewcomer

    OMG, why is nobody getting what I am saying????

    Look all I am saying is that over here, EVEN BEING A FORN STAR AND/OR FROSTITUTE is becoming acceptable, indeed, it is celebrated and receives a whole lot of (positive) attention, whereas in our country, people still have hangups and hysterics about EVEN having a boyf (which is obv. different from Forn etc). What i am saying is, here, a girl can blog about her life as a Forn etc and her mummy and daddy will be proud of her, whereas you and I an’t even let our mummies and daddies read our blogs, even though we NOT forn etc. I’m just pointing out the vast chasm of difference in the attitudes towards women!
    Do you see?

  6. thenewcomer

    Actually, I’m sorry i wrote about Forns and Frostitution- because now you all think I am some moral advocate of these things. I AM NOT!!! But THAT IS NOT THE POINT!!!

  7. thenewcomer

    Also, do you mind keeping the code when you write comments?

  8. Pingback: WORDPRESS ANALYSIS « Thenewcomer's Weblog

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